I just had this thing happen to me where I "shrink".

I had a video call with a Pigeon customer - we agreed to jump on a call to catch up since we both had a random mutual connection.

I didn't know much about this guy or his business that he ran, but when I got on the call we started to talk about our businesses and I "shrunk". I became "smaller", I became more nervous and I lost my confidence.

We run similar businesses but in a way different market. He's more of a VC-thinker and thinks more abstractly - more like a CEO-type. When he talked about his business, he made it seem like he had it all figured out - in terms of his business model, traction, etc.

And for some reason, this kind of thing triggers something inside of me where I feel my own business or success is much smaller, even if it's not the case.

This is the same exact thing that happened to me when I went through the YC interview process last year - especially during the mock interviews with successful YC founders. I couldn't "speak the language" of these people and it made me feel very inadequate. There's a certain language they have - it's this abstract/nebulous way of talking about startups and ideas that maybe don't even exist yet. 

"Integrations, synergies, partnerships, market, distribution, blahhhh"

I understand what these words mean but if we start talking about them in the context of a business, my mind starts to wander because it doesn't feel concrete enough for me.

Maybe it's just how my brain is wired - more of a practical/engineer/maker type rather than abstract/thinker/entrepreneur/politician/leader.

When these conversations start to happen, I shrink. Because it makes me feel less smart and less capable.

And in that scenario, that lack of confidence is reflected in how I talk about my own business(es) - I don't speak very highly of them - I don't talk enough about the "big idea". If I ever speak highly, it's only about the metrics - traffic, revenue, etc - but I don't bring that up in conversation. It's not that I don't want to - I don't know - I just don't have it in me.

For me, the success of my business is in the past, almost like I forgot about it. I'm focused on the new problems to solve and the new challenges, only. I'm always thinking about what's wrong with my business. 

And whenever I talk about myself, I often bring up weaknesses. This blog is a good example. I always want to expose what's wrong with me - what can be improved - and how I'm working on that.

And it's definitely reflected because by the end of the meeting he asked me if I wanted to join his team as an engineer. In my own head, it's so obvious that I would never do that - I'm so happy with what I'm working on now that I wouldn't be an engineer or an employee anywhere! But I obviously didn't portray that on the call.

I probably looked like a failing, lost entrepreneur.

I need to work on this - this is a good thing this happened - these kinds of scenarios always put me out of my comfort zone.